we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
