I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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