oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
