Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My dick has a subreddit
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
