Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
