Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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