addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
