I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
