she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
this boner is exhausting
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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