covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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