Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
40s are totally the cure
The struggles of a small town man whore
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
