If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
