a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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