I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
