I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
