You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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