Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
