For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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