Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
