Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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