Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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