She is in my trunk
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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