After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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