Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN