so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning