Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
