It's Friday. Sex?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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