Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
