My Higher Power is John Stamos
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
