38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
