Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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