Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
