Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You are the jesus of drinking
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
