i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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