a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
