btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
