I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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