It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
