U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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