Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
