You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
