At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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