I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
