420 ftw
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
