WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
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I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
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Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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