She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
