She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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