my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize