in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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