The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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