Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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