Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
