I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
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Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
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Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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