Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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