I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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