kristin has been a bad kristin
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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