About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
