New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
